A Knowing Smirk
by Maybesandhopefullys
Summary: Sometimes Lois thinks about how strange her life is. This usually happens in the bizarrely regular domestic moments she shares with Superman himself.
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes Lois thinks about how strange her life is.

This usually happens in the bizarrely regular domestic moments she shares with Superman himself.

Lois is one of the only two people who know how good a cook Superman, and boy is she glad he is. She is abysmal in the kitchen; she hasn't made anything that requires any kind of skill in years, limiting her to microwave meals and things she just has to add hot water too. She's pretty sure Clark actually cried last time she attempted to make Mac and Cheese (who knew it would so easily catch on fire?). There is also the small problem that Lois just forgets to eat sometimes. She gets so lost in her own head and the story she is creating for the paper that the thought of eating or doing anything but writing flies out the window. It is then that Clark uses that super speed of his to whisk her away from her computer to the dining table he insisted on, forcing her to eat the admittedly delicious meal he manages to create without her even noticing.

He even washes up afterwards.

He also does all the shopping, making sure she never runs out of her favourite brand of coffee. She expects his manners are probably rooted in his Kanas farm upbringing; she's met the force of nature that is his mother. But there is also that air of responsibility that eludes from him, that little bit of the world's protector that emerges in farm boy Clark Kent. Clearly it isn't a Kryptonian sense of duty and protection - she saw the havoc General Zod wreaked on Metropolis and beyond – so it must be the unique combination of alien and human that Clark has. She knows that some people would be annoyed by his constant worry and care, she knows that after a long day at the office she certainly is, but she loves that it is ingrained in deep within him; he cannot help but be kind and save the world, one cup of coffee at a time.

One thing that Superman is not good at is arriving on time.

For a man who can be almost anywhere in the world in a couple of seconds, Clark is regularly late to meetings. Most of the time she is the only one who notices as he slips into the conference room at The Daily Planet just after Perry has started to ramble on about the next issue; he always meets her eyes with an apologetic smirk that hides the silent recognition that he is here safe. Of course only she knows the real reason that he has missed the first few minutes of the meeting, that he was saving possibly hundreds or thousands of lives somewhere on the planet. Ironically, the meetings often evolve into a discussion about Superman and the 'miracles' he has performed only moments before. She knows that he like not being recognised and praised as Clark for his work as Superman, but she can't help but give him some acknowledgement that she is proud if what he does in the suit.

If anyone notices the knowing smirks Lois sends in Clark's directions and the blushing smiles she gets in return, they say nothing.

She always wakes up when he leaves her in the middle of the night. The moment he unwraps her from where he cradles her in his arms she is aware that she will most likely spend the rest of the night alone. She hates it when that happens, but she understands that he cannot ignore the world's cries for help. They've tried that before. It had been alright for the first hour, he had focused on her heart beat to anchor him to her, but there was an earthquake in the Philippines and they had needed Superman desperately. As much as Lois and Clark needed to spend time together alone, there were people dying across the world who needed superman and Clark could not ignore their agonising screams. Lois knows that it is selfish to wish that sometimes she had Clark to herself, but she can't bear to watch him fly gracefully out of their window, returning hours later covered in ash with a look of devastation so often marring his beautiful face. Being Superman has exposed Clark to the horrors of the world and she wishes she could protect him from it.

Superman maybe physically invincible, but Lois is the one who holds him in the early hours of the morning as he sobs over all the people he couldn't save.

It is only after he is gone that she realises how much she has come to rely on him. Before Clark and Superman, Lois was always alone. She slept alone, she ate alone, she wrote her articles and reports alone; but in Clark she found a partner, someone who could stand at her side and talk off some of the load she adamantly continued to carry around with her. She was raised by an army general; she knew how to survive with very little. Clark was a relief from all the expectation and pressure she put on herself, and now that he was gone she could feel it all starting to pile up again. Without him she merely drifted through life, throwing herself into her work. Thanks to Clark, there are now many more people looking out for her: Bruce and Alfred call every now and then, Diana leaves her strange gifts in her mailbox occasionally, Martha seems to continuously ask if she wants to spend the weekend at the farm (she tells herself that the reason she ends up there every weekend is for Martha's sake, but in reality she doesn't want the memory of the real Clark to slip away from her, the farm helps her maintain those little bits of him she never wants to loose).

Her life continues on this monotonous pattern for months. She puts on a brave face for Martha and the other reporters, but at the apartment, _their apartment_ , she can break down and mourn both Superman and Clark.

It is when she is curled up on their bed, her sobs faded into occasional sniffles, that she hears that familiar whoosh.


	2. Chapter 2

He isn't quite the same.

They spend the night pressed together, their bodies finding and fitting straight back into their Clark and Lois jigsaw as if they had never been apart. She cries and he wipes her tears; she's missed someone doing that. She takes the next day off, emailing Perry to tell him she has a bug and won't be in for the next few days, that there was nothing to worry about. They spend the whole day curled up on the sofa catching Clark up on all the TV he missed while he was away. _Away,_ not gone; it is easier to just pretend that he was never dead, that he never left her. It is easier to just relish in the fact that he is here, warm and holding her with his hands running through her hair as if he was never gone.

He doesn't want to talk about what happened, not that she presses him to, she doesn't want to talk about it either. But she catches him staring into thin air sometimes, a pained expression and a hand rubbing across his chest where only weeks before there was a gaping hole. She knows that he probably needs to talk about it to someone about all of this, but he refuses. He hasn't even told his own mother that he is alive yet and she doesn't really know why. He claims that he just couldn't wait to see her here in Metropolis, that she, Lois, was the first thing he had to see when he woke up, but there is something else behind his eyes, some kind of fear she has never seen in his eyes before. He is haunted now by things she cannot understand; things he won't help her understand as he becomes a ghost of his past self. She doesn't actually care at the moment, he's only been back a few days and they have plenty of time to sort this all out.

He won't let her tell anyone else that he is back, trying to bargain with her for a little more time for just the tow of them before he has to face anyone else. He jokes that he enjoys just being Clark for a bit without anyone expecting Superman to come flying to their rescue. The world still thinks their beloved superhero is in a grave at the moment in Metropolis and Clark's family and friends, including his mother, all think he is under the ground back in Kansas. She understands that, she really does; she doesn't want to have to give up this precious time with just the two of them either, but he needs to tell someone. She can't live with the guilt of keeping his return to herself. She brings it up occasionally over the next few days, but every time she mentions it he sweeps her off her feet to the bed, making her forget her own name, let alone that he needs to face his problems.

And that is how Lois finds herself yet again emailing Perry to say she won't be in, emailing him a quick article she had managed to whip up while Clark was in the shower. She tries to really sell this stomach bug, that she is still throwing up all the time and can't even get out of bed. Which is kind of true. She can't get out of bed, not because she is ill, but because of her no-longer-dead-superhero-boyfriend is sleeping, a heavy arm protectively slung across her waist. The problem comes when her phone starts to ring on her bed side table. Clark starts to twitch in his sleep as she carefully leans over to grab it before the call goes to voice mail. She has missed Clark's sleep dishevelled look so much, the way his hair sticks up in every direction and his eyes flutter open just to gaze at her. She smiles at him as she answers the phone, Perry's face glaring up from the screen.

"Lane. You alright?" The editor sounds as if he is trying hard to not sound too bothered about her, attempting to maintain that cool collected demeanour he puts on in the office. "You must be really ill, huh?"

She instantly feels guilty that she has been lying to the closest thing she has to a father; he has been so concerned about her since Clark had gone. For all he knew, she had lost both Clark and Superman in one fatal swoop (which she had, but he had no idea that you could lose both in one person). She coughs as Clark gives a strange sleep-filled look, questioning her sudden sadness just from picking up her phone. His face clears with understanding when she answers.

"Hey Perry." Clark closes his eyes and nestles back into his place against her side, pulling her body back across the bed closer to him. She just manages to stifle the surprised squeak that almost escapes from her mouth. "I…um…" She struggles to lie to him, unsure what she can possibly say without upsetting him or Clark.

"Lois. You are not ill." She is surprised at his revelation, unsure how to respond, he continues. "Somethings obviously up with you, you've been 'ill' for three days. You have never in all your years at the paper taken a sick day. I was worried about you, with the whole losing Clark thing, so I rang his mom."

"You did what?"

"I rang his mother, I still had her contacts on record and I know you guys are close. I just thought you needed someone Lois, you are clearly not fine, no matter what you say." She is in shock. It's not that she's mad at Perry, he is just trying to help. But she has no idea how Clark is going to react to this, she has really since he came back. They are different now, she still loves him, but it might take a while to work out who they are. They have both been through a lot, it's understandable. He very literally died and she mourned him, of course their relationship is not going to be the same straight away. On the other end of the phone Perry tells her that he hopes she feels better soon and to expect a call from Martha Kent soon.

She puts the phone down the phone and puts her head in her hands as she thinks about what just happened. Clark gently kisses her bare shoulder, gently skimming his hands down her arms before she pulls away.

"I need a shower." She picks up his shirt from the day before and heads towards the bathroom door.

"Lois…" he tries to grab her as she walks away from him. He sighs before standing up himself and heading to get some coffee, throwing on some underwear as he heads out of their room.

When the knock echoes through the apartment, it is Clark's automatic and instinctual reaction to open it; he doesn't realise until the door is already open that he is dead and whoever is on the other side is not going to be expecting to see a dead man opening it. The split second before he can register who it is Clark remembers the phone call he heard only minutes before. His mother.

But it is not her at the door. It is Bruce.

He is standing awkwardly, a coffee cup in either hand. His usual stoic face only shifts slightly, an arching eyebrow the only give away to his surprise. He pauses in the doorway before pushing past Clark and into the kitchen. Clark has no idea how Bruce Wayne, CEO of Wayne Enterprises and vigilante knows exactly Lois Lane keeps her good alcohol, but then he remembers he's been gone for weeks; there's been plenty of time for him and Lois to bond over alcohol. Bruce grabs a glass and throws some kind of spirit down his throat, giving Clark a look of disbelief while doing so.

"She in the shower?" He nods towards the closed bedroom door and Clark suddenly feels just a hint of jealousy creep under his skin. Bruce was there to look after Lois, not him. He also becomes very aware of the fact he is half naked. He isn't exactly self-conscious about his body; Lois always laughs if he is reluctant to take off his shirt, but this is Bruce. He doesn't really know him very well, he only met him twice, and the second time they were a bit busy saving the world to chat. They stand on opposite sides of the kitchen, awkwardly avoiding eye contact for the next few minutes, listening to Lois shut off the shower and the occasional bump and curse as she tries to get dressed in the other room. Eventually the door opens after what feel like an eternity. Lois hold a towel to her wet hair as she enters the kitchen.

"Clark, can you…. Bruce!" She looks between the two superheroes with a mix of surprise and confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"Martha called me, said Perry was worried about you." Clark wonders how his mother and Bruce know each other, but he decides not to question it, not wanting to draw more questions from Lois. Bruce continues, gesturing between the two of them. "But clearly you are fine, so I'll just go." He heads towards the door but before he can get there Lois launches herself across the room, wrapping him in a large hug. Clark decides to focus on the TV upstairs, blocking out the words exchanged between the two.

Bruce leaves and it is just the two of them, alone in the apartment once more.


	3. Chapter 3

There is an awkward silence when Bruce leaves; neither of them know what to do with themselves, both just standing until Lois moves towards the coffee Bruce left on the side. She takes a sip before turning to him.

"Hey." She whispers with a smile, knowing he can hear her.

He loves her. There is so much he is unsure of but the fact he loves her is the only thing he is sure of in that moment as she looks at him with a smile that does quite reach her eyes. There is a deeper sadness in there, one that Clark cannot help but feel responsible for; he left her and for that he feels a great sense of guilt. He knows that what he did was right, that it saved the human's world, but he also caused such a great deal of pain for those he loved, for his world. Clark is not a selfish person, but sometimes he wishes that he could be. He wishes he didn't have to always be a hero and s

"Clark." Her voice is stronger now, a hint of worry present. "What's wrong?" Neither of them have been the same since he came back and he knows that she is aware of that. He just wants to go back to how they were before this whole mess, but they can't; he never gets what he wants, he always has to sacrifice it for the greater good. Clark knows that he has always been different, but before he saw it as a duty, as a gift, now there is just pain and heartbreak. "Clark, you're scaring me."

His eyes snap up to her once more. Apologies rise up in his throat but for some reason there is a simmering anger and jealousy that reach his mouth first.

"I'm fine." He internally winces at the harshness of his voice and the pained flinch that Lois fails to hide from his super sight. He hurries to try and rectify his words. "I mean…I…"

"What Clark? What did you mean?" She is defensive now, and he cannot stop the words that fly out of his mouth.

"I was gone for a month and suddenly you're all friendly with Bruce Wayne?"

Her face goes dark and Clark immediately regrets the argument he has just started. He knows that he shouldn't have said that, he knows that there is nothing going on between Lois and Wayne and yet…

"Friendly with Bruce Wayne?!" She all but shouts. "What is that supposed to mean Clark?" He opens his mouth to apologise but she will not let him get a word in. "You have no right to do this Clark. You left. You sacrificed yourself and died. I mourned you Clark, your mother mourned you, and then you show up here months later and expect us to go back to normal?! You haven't even told your own mother you are alive and now you're asking if me and Batman are 'friendly'?!" She seems to lose speed for a minute, but Clark doesn't dare speak and waits for her to finish. She is right and she deserves tell him this.

"Clark, you were gone and I was all alone in this apartment. Do you know how big this place feels without you? How cold the bed is?" He voice is quieter now, filled with a sadness that breaks his heart. She was never supposed to live here without him, this was supposed to be their home together. He wants to hug her but can't bring himself to, not yet. "One night I had finally managed to get to sleep and something woke me up; it was a burglar, he had a gun. I was so scared Clark." He can't picture her scared, his image of her is so strong but he realises that she can't be, not always. "The only thing I could think to do was to call Bruce. He spoke to me the whole way to Metropolis and when he got here, got rid of the burglar. He took me out for coffee the next day and then rang occasionally to make sure I was okay. That's all, nothing else."

Clark's head hangs in shame. He wasn't there; he wasn't there and she was scared. She had turned to Bruce in friendship because she had no one else. His voice is choked as her name slips from his lips.

"Lois. I'm so sorry." She nods before looking up at him with eyes welling with tears. He knows that look and so opens his arms as she runs towards him. Her head buries into his neck, her arms embracing him tightly. He is overcome with her and all he can manage to focus on is the flowery scent of her still damp hair. He loses track of how long they spend wrapped up in each other, both content to just be together once more.

She is the one who pulls away, his fingers brushing away the few tears that have escaped. She huffs in that extremely Lois way and takes a step back from him with a stern look hiding her

"You need to visit your mother." He nods. He does have to visit his mother, she deserves that. He is still scared though. He had revealed his return to Lois because he needed to see her, he could breathe without her, and he knew that she wouldn't ask any questions that he didn't want to answer. But his mother, she won't let him get away with ignoring what happened and he doesn't want to have to think (let alone talk) about what he did. But he has to, he knows this and - with the look Lois is giving him – he can avoid it no longer. He can at least request one more thing from Lois.

"I will, but only if you come with me."


End file.
